Relationships and The Rise of Skywalker

 

I still can't write about The Rise of Skywalker.

It's hard to write about a movie that changes years and years and decades of your lived experience. I've tried more than a few times, but just... can't. I think I'm still processing it. Part of it is that there are several experiences that the sequel trilogy brings up for me that are so inherently uncomfortable to write about that I've not yet steeled myself for the journey. And it is going to be a journey, writing it down. The Sequel Trilogy is one of the truest and painful things I've ever watched, and I'm still more than a little scared to tie all the pieces together. But there is one thing that jumps out at me. And it's the scene where Palpatine finally corners Rey.

See, contrary to what a lot of people think, Rey has a very clear arc. She's alone, and she needs to belong to something greater than herself. She needs relationship. Like all of us, she craves it. And is afraid of it. Every last decision point in Rey's arc has to do with allowing herself to belong, to be in relationship with those around her. And that's how she finds Finn, The Resistance... and Ben.

All of Star Wars is grieving. All of Star Wars is the process of accepting frailty. And Rey cannot avoid Ben Solo. Throughout the course of our lives we may run into people that we just have to deal with, no matter how much we'd prefer not to. Folks who ship Reylo and those who hate their relationship both make a grave mistake: they assume that erotic connections (and it is clearly erotic) are positive or negative. 

Frequently it's both.

Actually, it's always both.

The only thing that matters about Rey and Ben is that, no matter what they do, their actions always cut to the heart of what the Other is going through. They may run and hide and do all sorts of terrible things, but at the end of the day the Other sees through them. And they remain linked. No matter what.

So then we get to Exegol. Rey is outplayed. The very type of belonging she's been afraid of turns out to be valid: she's Palpatine's "grand-daughter", directly descended from Palpatine in a twisted funhouse mirror of horror scenario that only Palpatine could have cooked up. Her entire existence is upended by that alone.. .and that's before she looks up and sees the friends she does actually belong with. They're dying. She's already lost her family once, she's not going to do it again. So she agrees with Palpatine's sick and twisted plan, because at least she can save her family this time!

And then she sees Ben.

And she knows, better than anyone, possibly even Ben(!), that he's finally himself. Adam Driver's acting here is the best in all of Star Wars. Point blank. Without a word Rey sees Ben and knows he's here for her, and that she can rely upon him. Of course she can see this, she's been able to see through Ben from the very start, it's why he's where he's at now! And so she goes with it. They finally achieve what the two of them have been yearning to do since this whole thing began: to actually belong to each other.

When Rey dies the decision is easy for Ben. Without Rey to relate to there is no Ben, not in the way he needs to be. Without Ben to relate to Rey wouldn't be who she is either. So Ben compromises. He puts his soul, his life force, into Rey. Rey comes back, but she now has the person who helped define the core of who she is with her, forever. Ben Solo lives on. And so does Rey.

And they're forever changed.